I moved.

I have a new blog that I seem to be more able t keep up with. Come visit me. http://crazygirlsarecute.tumblr.com/

This Summer

You probalby don't know this but I stopped waffling and commited to Stand True Minstries and I was accepted for a half summer trip. I am going "on tour" with Stand True Ministries this summer. I am very excited. Let me tell you a little about Stand True so you will be more aware of what I am doing. This comes directly from the Stand True website


"Stand True is a Christ Centered pro-life organization.

We exist first and foremost to glorify God. Through the grace of God, we stand for the protection of human life from the moment of fertilization to natural death. Abortion is the act of killing a human person and it is always wrong without exceptions.

We are committed to establishing a culture of life, and bringing light to a generation covered by darkness. We believe that the only true way to end abortion is to turn hearts to Christ. Though it is important for the unjust laws to change, we must first turn the hearts of our nation.

We are committed to educate, equip and activate young people to stand up and be a voice for their generation.

Until the silent cries of innocent children are finally heard, we will raise our voices, shine our lights, we will Stand True."



And then here is the explanation of exactly what I will be doing directly off the application.

"While setting up booths at festivals is what we will be doing most, there are many other things we will be doing on tour. We will be speaking at festivals, churches and other events. We will be doing outreach and prayer vigils at abortion clinics, not protesting but bringing the gospel in love, praying and offering alternatives to those women who are considering abortions. There will be training on pro-life issues, speaking and writing. You will be required to give at least two pro-life speeches to our group, keep a journal of your experiences and write commentaries on different pro-life issues. You will be in situations at the booth where you will have to talk to people and defend the pro-life message and the gospel."

I tell you all this because I need help getting there. Up until about 3 weeks ago I hadn't made a final decision on whether to commit or not, God opened doors and closed others and I made the decision that this is where I should be so I sent in the application. I got accepted and now comes fund raising. Since I waffled and didn't commit until late in the game I don't have much time to get quite a bit of money. I need $175 for the camp fees, money for transportation to and from Ohio, money that could go towards other miscellaneous things on the road, like I said a lot in a little time. I'm not looking for a hand out but I am looking for help. If any of you have ideas of things to do send them my way, if you want you can give me money and I would appreciate it greatly, and please be in prayer for me, if God really wants me to go He will help me get there.

I got some good news and I got some bad news

On Leap Day I went to a concert called the Green Tee Tour featuring Hawk Nelson, Run Kid Run, and Capital Lights. I brought along my fancy new camera and took many many pictures 138 to be exact and I then posted them all on myspace. About three days after the concert I was contacted by a man named Richard, Richard wanted to use a few of my pictures as a concert review. I was super excited about it because this is the first time I have gotten any photos published. You can see my pictures here: http://www.christianconcertzine.com/2008/03/concert-review.html

That was the good news now for the bad.

On Monday I got a friend request from a girl named Jenn. I went to her myspace page and was looking around and I noticed that her default image was one of her with Capital Lights so I went to see if she had any other pictures from the show. I went to her album entitled "Green Tour 3/4" and do you know hat I found? Here is what I found, 40 of my pictures. Yes, 40 of the pictures I took. She stole them. How did I know they were mine? Well, for one, the bass player Daniel was wearing my scarf for part of the night and my scarf was in the pictures of Daniel, and in the picture of her and Capital Lights the boys are wearing different clothes, and besides wouldn't I be able to recognize my own pictures? I just don't understand why you would ask someone to be your friend if you have stolen their pictures, did she think I wouldn't notice?

I just don't know why people feel it necessary to steal other peoples work.

aww. How cute : )

I have a friend named Bekah and she writes letters to her future husband. She has given her future husband a name to make it easier to write letters and to make him seem more real. The name she gave her husband is Bob. Right now Bekah has a boyfriend, his name is Adam. Right now Adam's myspace display name is "I wish my name was Bob"

When I saw that it made me tear up a bit. Isn't that so cute? Yes, yes it is.

I need your prayers.

I need your prayers.

Two mission trip opportunities have been put in my lap and both would be amazing opportunities. One is a two week trip to China, the other is a whole summer of traveling to different music festivals with Stand True which is a pro-life organization. I need you to pray on my behalf that I will know which one is best for me. In my heart I know which one I would want to go on but I need to know which one if any God wants me to pursue.

Contacts

Today I got them and my eyes hurt.

Unbelievably

I told Cody everything. I am really really scared of what he will say.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I am going to tell Cody everything. Every bloody detail. I think he needs to know. He may be 1300 miles away but he is one of my closest friends and he deserves to know just how messed up his friend is. I hope you will pray that I can have the courage and not chicken out like I have done so many times in the past.

I'm sick

Pray for me because I feel miserably.

sigh.

Late into the night Christi wonders if rescue is really possible, if love really is the movement and if the bleeding will ever completely stop. Christi has been pondering these things for a long time. Christi longs for the strength to tell the people she loves the most the thing that might them cut most deeply. Christi wants to know why she was able to be strong for nine months but her strength has left her so suddenly in recent weeks.

I need to sleep. I need to dream about a day that I won’t struggle to love myself. A day that a blade won’t feel so comfortable in my grip. A day that I will find someone to love me that way Jesus loves me. I want that day to come, I need it to come soon.

A realization

I have realized recently that I have a lot of friends but of the people I consider my "closest" friends one lives six states away, and the other lives in Canada. Why can't I find people in New Mexico who will love me for who I am?

Christi the merch manager

On Thursday I gained 5 new friends. Their names are Kevin, Jake, JD, Jamie and Wes. They are collectivly known as Rush of Fools and I love them. I honestly consider them my friends and I hope that they feel the same way. I hung out with them all day on Thursday and then I became Christi the merch manager. After the show as we were tearing things down they came and told me that they had come up a dollar short and I told them sorry. They laughed at me. They said that a dollar is the least amount that they have ever been off that made me feel special. Then for the rest of the night they kept telling me how amazing they think I am. That made me feel even more special. After that they said that they were going to make me come with them so they wouldn't lose lots of money anymore. They like me, they really like me. And I really like them.

achoo!

My allergies are slowly killing me. For most people allergy season has passed but mine are year round. It sucks. My eyes are all red and puffy. I'm sneezing uncontrollably and I have way too much snot. It's gross but deal with it. I'm going to go sneeze some more. Good Day to you.

FF Day 3

It is official my little sister has become a little boy crazy. Today after Old Man Shattered played she cam up to me and was like Johnny is really hot. For those of you who don’t know Johnny is the guitar player for OMS. I mean she’s not wrong but 6 months ago she never would have said that. My baby sister is growing up *tear*

I saw Falling Up back in May for the first time and I saw them again today. Today I was talking to this guy while I was waiting to get autographs from OMS. That guy was the lead singer of Falling Up. His appearance has changed so much since May that I didn’t even recognize him.

Red is amazing. That is the only way to express it. They are amazing both on and off stage because they don’t take themselves too seriously so they are fun to hang out with and they rock like there is no tomorrow.

This has absolutely nothing to do with Freedom Fest but have any of you had the top of your foot itch really bad and then you scratch the snot out of it, then it bleeds and burns like fire? I have.

FF Day 2

Tell me your thoughts on this.
If you were married would you only hug your wife? Today I encountered a whole band of guys who wouldn’t hug me because they only hug their wives. Honestly I think that is awesome because it shows just how much you love your wife.

Have any of you ever noticed how much Jeff (from Rockwell Social) and his brother look a like? If you don’t know they look like the same person.

Jaron is the creation of Daniel Biro(From Hawk Nelson) Franklin is the creation of Christi Spear. They are stars, they are cousins. It is awesome. I love Jaron, Daniel loves Franklin. That makes me mucho happy. : )

Freedom Fest day 1

I’m fairly sure that the P86 experience was the best concert I have ever been to. I am pretty sure that I will never again see a stuffed dog bone converted into ET by The Classic Crime. I’m extremely sure that Ever Stays Red is a lot older than I thought they were. I am completely sure that all the members of Wavorly are my new best friends.

Broken promises lead to a need for prayer

If you are reading this and you don’t know my history go read the blog entry entitled “Hello New Readers” then come back.

Broken glass is my biggest Self Injury trigger and do you know what happened Wednesday night? I dropped a glass and it shattered. Broken glass everywhere. I picked up all the glass it was tied up in a bag and then I went to the bathroom to clean a cut from stepping on a piece of the glass and then I opened the bag reached in and pulled out a piece and cut my hand. It is a small cut but in that cut is an 9 month promise down the drain. I let myself down I should have taken the bag straight outside but I didn’t. By taking the bag to the bathroom I gave myself I temptation that I knew was almost impossible to resist. It breaks my heart I vowed to never cut again. But I did and it hurts that I broke that promise. Pray for me. I need it desperately.

Randomness in the style of MeLissa

This is something I am postig here and on myspace because I like it so much. I will see Paul Wright Wednesday night and I am berry excited.



I like scarves a lot. Especially the one I made that is gray and turquoise. And my one that is pink, green and black. They are awesome.

Why do I always ramble on and on when talking to Edison Glass? This especially happens when I am talking to James. WHY?!?!

I can already see the comments that will come in but I will say it anyway. I don’t like Evenesance. There I said it. I have never really liked them and unless drastic things happen I will never like them.

In recent weeks I have developed severe insomnia. I will literally lay awake for hours unable to fall asleep. It is pretty horrible.

Another thing that I have developed recently is snorting when I laugh. Maybe my sleeping abilities and my laughing skills have gotten together to plan my downfall. hhhhhhmmmm.

Yesterday I learned that Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts

If any of you want to donate I am buying a castle with MeLissa and I need $25,000 help me out.

As of this moment in time I have an irresistible urge to name my children after characters in Harry Potter just to be cruel. I will name my son Mundungus or Hagrid and my daughter Minerva or Nymphadora

School

I start classes on Monday and I will just be honest and say I am not very excited. Here are the classes I have. Microeconomics, Analytic Writing, Intro to Psychology, and Living World Religions. I have a feeling that most of my classes are going to be wicked hard. I will get through it though.


On an insanely more exciting note Freedom Fest is NEXT WEEKEND!! I am very excited about that.

Today was hard.

As someone who is an ex-self injurer I have day that are worse than others. Today has been one of those days. Today my urge to cut skyrocketed. I can honestly say that it usually is the stuff that others think nothing of that really bothers me. Things like the fact that some one was supposed to write to me on Monday and they still haven’t written me. I think differently than the general population in the fact that when someone doesn’t write to me or things of that nature I instantly jump to conclusions. I revert to my old way of thinking that no one likes me, that no one would really miss me and that I am not worth anything. It is really hard to overcome these things.

If you have never been someone who self injures you really cannot imagine what it is like to see through these eyes. You really can’t understand that it is usually the little things that hurt the most.

Just pray that I can be strong because some days it is so unbelievably hard.