I'm sick

Pray for me because I feel miserably.

sigh.

Late into the night Christi wonders if rescue is really possible, if love really is the movement and if the bleeding will ever completely stop. Christi has been pondering these things for a long time. Christi longs for the strength to tell the people she loves the most the thing that might them cut most deeply. Christi wants to know why she was able to be strong for nine months but her strength has left her so suddenly in recent weeks.

I need to sleep. I need to dream about a day that I won’t struggle to love myself. A day that a blade won’t feel so comfortable in my grip. A day that I will find someone to love me that way Jesus loves me. I want that day to come, I need it to come soon.

A realization

I have realized recently that I have a lot of friends but of the people I consider my "closest" friends one lives six states away, and the other lives in Canada. Why can't I find people in New Mexico who will love me for who I am?