Broken promises lead to a need for prayer

If you are reading this and you don’t know my history go read the blog entry entitled “Hello New Readers” then come back.

Broken glass is my biggest Self Injury trigger and do you know what happened Wednesday night? I dropped a glass and it shattered. Broken glass everywhere. I picked up all the glass it was tied up in a bag and then I went to the bathroom to clean a cut from stepping on a piece of the glass and then I opened the bag reached in and pulled out a piece and cut my hand. It is a small cut but in that cut is an 9 month promise down the drain. I let myself down I should have taken the bag straight outside but I didn’t. By taking the bag to the bathroom I gave myself I temptation that I knew was almost impossible to resist. It breaks my heart I vowed to never cut again. But I did and it hurts that I broke that promise. Pray for me. I need it desperately.

Randomness in the style of MeLissa

This is something I am postig here and on myspace because I like it so much. I will see Paul Wright Wednesday night and I am berry excited.



I like scarves a lot. Especially the one I made that is gray and turquoise. And my one that is pink, green and black. They are awesome.

Why do I always ramble on and on when talking to Edison Glass? This especially happens when I am talking to James. WHY?!?!

I can already see the comments that will come in but I will say it anyway. I don’t like Evenesance. There I said it. I have never really liked them and unless drastic things happen I will never like them.

In recent weeks I have developed severe insomnia. I will literally lay awake for hours unable to fall asleep. It is pretty horrible.

Another thing that I have developed recently is snorting when I laugh. Maybe my sleeping abilities and my laughing skills have gotten together to plan my downfall. hhhhhhmmmm.

Yesterday I learned that Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts

If any of you want to donate I am buying a castle with MeLissa and I need $25,000 help me out.

As of this moment in time I have an irresistible urge to name my children after characters in Harry Potter just to be cruel. I will name my son Mundungus or Hagrid and my daughter Minerva or Nymphadora

School

I start classes on Monday and I will just be honest and say I am not very excited. Here are the classes I have. Microeconomics, Analytic Writing, Intro to Psychology, and Living World Religions. I have a feeling that most of my classes are going to be wicked hard. I will get through it though.


On an insanely more exciting note Freedom Fest is NEXT WEEKEND!! I am very excited about that.

Today was hard.

As someone who is an ex-self injurer I have day that are worse than others. Today has been one of those days. Today my urge to cut skyrocketed. I can honestly say that it usually is the stuff that others think nothing of that really bothers me. Things like the fact that some one was supposed to write to me on Monday and they still haven’t written me. I think differently than the general population in the fact that when someone doesn’t write to me or things of that nature I instantly jump to conclusions. I revert to my old way of thinking that no one likes me, that no one would really miss me and that I am not worth anything. It is really hard to overcome these things.

If you have never been someone who self injures you really cannot imagine what it is like to see through these eyes. You really can’t understand that it is usually the little things that hurt the most.

Just pray that I can be strong because some days it is so unbelievably hard.

Losing Steam

You know how you start something and you are really gung ho for a little while but then you lose steam? That is kind of how I feel right now. For about a week I wrote a blog post everyday but then I got kind of discouraged when no one was commenting on them so this is my first post since Sunday. I know the point of a blog isn’t to get comments but I like comments. And it made me sad when I saw only those lonely three comments. I will try and post more even if no one is comenting on them.


Here I am though to fill you in on the randomness that is my life.

I have no social life, I’ll just put it on the table. I have a lot of friends but no one ever really remembers to invite me to things. Sad Day : ( oh well. But anyway since I don’t have a social life I have a lot of free time. Freedom Fest is just a cuple weeks a way and I am very excited so I am sewing things for all the bands to sign. I made a bat, a heart, a star, a dog bone, a tree, a cloud, a hand, a fish, a worm and a guitar. I made all these stuffed things man do I feel lame telling you this. But I did and some came out better than others like the fact that the heart came out very small but the guitar is huge. I also am going to make the shirt that features lyrics from every band that I talked about in my blog about FF.

Other than having way too much time on my hands life is going well. On Saturday the 18th I participated in a survey posting battle and I posted 16 myspace surveys in one day. That was an insane amount of surveys to do in one day. I will probably never do that again.

That is all for now. Have a nice day.

TVB

Today I saw The Violet Burning play. They are amazing.

Cody's Burfday

Yesterday was my Cody’s birthday. Cody just moved to Louisville, Kentucky to go to seminary and I miss him a lot. He doesn’t know it but Cody is one of the reasons I have been able to keep to my promise of not cutting. Cody is the type of peorson who makes everyone he comes in contact with feel loved. On numerous occasions Cody has told me he loves me and I love him. Cody helped me remember that people, or at least one person, love me and that I am better than the depressed girl who cut herself to feel. He held me up with his love when I was close to falling. I really miss my dear friend Cody.