School

I start classes on Monday and I will just be honest and say I am not very excited. Here are the classes I have. Microeconomics, Analytic Writing, Intro to Psychology, and Living World Religions. I have a feeling that most of my classes are going to be wicked hard. I will get through it though.


On an insanely more exciting note Freedom Fest is NEXT WEEKEND!! I am very excited about that.

Today was hard.

As someone who is an ex-self injurer I have day that are worse than others. Today has been one of those days. Today my urge to cut skyrocketed. I can honestly say that it usually is the stuff that others think nothing of that really bothers me. Things like the fact that some one was supposed to write to me on Monday and they still haven’t written me. I think differently than the general population in the fact that when someone doesn’t write to me or things of that nature I instantly jump to conclusions. I revert to my old way of thinking that no one likes me, that no one would really miss me and that I am not worth anything. It is really hard to overcome these things.

If you have never been someone who self injures you really cannot imagine what it is like to see through these eyes. You really can’t understand that it is usually the little things that hurt the most.

Just pray that I can be strong because some days it is so unbelievably hard.

Losing Steam

You know how you start something and you are really gung ho for a little while but then you lose steam? That is kind of how I feel right now. For about a week I wrote a blog post everyday but then I got kind of discouraged when no one was commenting on them so this is my first post since Sunday. I know the point of a blog isn’t to get comments but I like comments. And it made me sad when I saw only those lonely three comments. I will try and post more even if no one is comenting on them.


Here I am though to fill you in on the randomness that is my life.

I have no social life, I’ll just put it on the table. I have a lot of friends but no one ever really remembers to invite me to things. Sad Day : ( oh well. But anyway since I don’t have a social life I have a lot of free time. Freedom Fest is just a cuple weeks a way and I am very excited so I am sewing things for all the bands to sign. I made a bat, a heart, a star, a dog bone, a tree, a cloud, a hand, a fish, a worm and a guitar. I made all these stuffed things man do I feel lame telling you this. But I did and some came out better than others like the fact that the heart came out very small but the guitar is huge. I also am going to make the shirt that features lyrics from every band that I talked about in my blog about FF.

Other than having way too much time on my hands life is going well. On Saturday the 18th I participated in a survey posting battle and I posted 16 myspace surveys in one day. That was an insane amount of surveys to do in one day. I will probably never do that again.

That is all for now. Have a nice day.

TVB

Today I saw The Violet Burning play. They are amazing.

Cody's Burfday

Yesterday was my Cody’s birthday. Cody just moved to Louisville, Kentucky to go to seminary and I miss him a lot. He doesn’t know it but Cody is one of the reasons I have been able to keep to my promise of not cutting. Cody is the type of peorson who makes everyone he comes in contact with feel loved. On numerous occasions Cody has told me he loves me and I love him. Cody helped me remember that people, or at least one person, love me and that I am better than the depressed girl who cut herself to feel. He held me up with his love when I was close to falling. I really miss my dear friend Cody.

Lots of Music. Yay!!

Labor Day weekend I will be attending a thing called Freedom Fest and I am starting to be VERY excited. It is going to be three days, 10 bands, vicious sunburn, and riding way too many amusement park rides. It shall be amazing. Here is the lineup:

Saturday:
Wavorly
Ever Stays Red
The Classic Crime
Project 86

Sunday:
Foolish Things
Rockwell Social
Hawk Nelson

Monday:
Old Man Shattered
Falling Up
Red


I am very very excited. Last year at Freedom Fest I made a shirt that had lyrics from every band and I made them find their own lyrics. That was really fun and I think I might do it again because you would be surprised at how hard it was for some of them. It didn’t really help that I chose the most obscure lyric I could come up with. I cannot wait.


I also found out Wednesday night that Todd Agnew and A Rush of Fools are playing a show at my church. That's exciting too.

Is it easier?

A very smart guy named Jonathan told me that sometimes the people who it is easiest to talk to are complete strangers and I have found this to be true. I spill my heart on this blog and it would be incredibly hard for me to let the people I’ve known for a long time read it. If they were to read this blog it would shock them because none of they could even fathom how close to suicide I was. But like they always tell you in health class the people who are close to suicide are the ones you least expect because they have learned to hide it so well.

I am going to try and make this blog more light hearted because it is awfully heavy. Try being the keyword.

Also I posted a picture that isn't of my knee so you can see who I am. It is a picture of me and Hawk Nelson