I need your prayers.

I need your prayers.

Two mission trip opportunities have been put in my lap and both would be amazing opportunities. One is a two week trip to China, the other is a whole summer of traveling to different music festivals with Stand True which is a pro-life organization. I need you to pray on my behalf that I will know which one is best for me. In my heart I know which one I would want to go on but I need to know which one if any God wants me to pursue.

Contacts

Today I got them and my eyes hurt.

Unbelievably

I told Cody everything. I am really really scared of what he will say.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I am going to tell Cody everything. Every bloody detail. I think he needs to know. He may be 1300 miles away but he is one of my closest friends and he deserves to know just how messed up his friend is. I hope you will pray that I can have the courage and not chicken out like I have done so many times in the past.

I'm sick

Pray for me because I feel miserably.

sigh.

Late into the night Christi wonders if rescue is really possible, if love really is the movement and if the bleeding will ever completely stop. Christi has been pondering these things for a long time. Christi longs for the strength to tell the people she loves the most the thing that might them cut most deeply. Christi wants to know why she was able to be strong for nine months but her strength has left her so suddenly in recent weeks.

I need to sleep. I need to dream about a day that I won’t struggle to love myself. A day that a blade won’t feel so comfortable in my grip. A day that I will find someone to love me that way Jesus loves me. I want that day to come, I need it to come soon.

A realization

I have realized recently that I have a lot of friends but of the people I consider my "closest" friends one lives six states away, and the other lives in Canada. Why can't I find people in New Mexico who will love me for who I am?